My husband and I will celebrate eight years of marriage next week. I find that hard to believe, even though the proof snuck into our bed very early this morning…
Lucy was born just three weeks before our first anniversary. In fact, I can recall the night I went to the freezer to pull out the top of our wedding cake, we barely ate one bite, so exhausted from being up all hours of the night with our newborn girl.
Needless to say, Palmer and I didn’t have much of a “honeymoon period,” we essentially dove straight in, head first. We struggled out of the gate, becoming “one flesh” sounded so romantic, but in reality, it was incredibly difficult. We both came in to the marriage with the best of intentions, but we also had unspoken expectations of what being married was “supposed” to look like. I remember being so upset during our first real argument, all of my idyllic marriage beliefs came crashing down.
When our second daughter was born, we went through a very tough season. I believe that we both felt misunderstood, taken for granted, unworthy, and unloved.
During this difficult time, we could have put up walls, but I’m so thankful God’s voice was the one we chose to listen to. It was at that time, that I chose to abandon all earthly control, and instead, I would hit my knees in surrender. I remember worshipping quietly while rocking Abby to sleep, pushing both girls in the jogging stroller in fervent prayer on cool fall mornings, and choosing to pursue Palmer’s heart, even when it meant risking my own. Some days we grew closer and felt loved, while others, I went to bed with wet prayers on my pillow.
But in all of this, God was taking His rightful place in our marriage, and we would never be the same. Because you see, God’s promises never come back void.
Today, we are experiencing the fruitfulness of that difficult season, and it is so very sweet!
I titled this post, “First Try.” It’s the name of a song that I absolutely love, yes, the song is pleasing to the senses, but for me, it’s more than that. In reality, no one gets it right on the “First Try,” it’s what we do when we fail that matters. This song represents what I feel and believe in my heart about our marriage – each day we strive to love each other to the very best of our ability, and on days when we fail, we humbly seek forgiveness and then begin again.
Click on the link below to hear the song: